Ultima humor

[Tristan de Inés]

What do the Time Lord and the Ferryman have in common?

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They are fascinated by the south.... and they seem to consist of only one frame.

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Should someone in Ultima IX offer you to go hang out with the horses... politely decline.


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Why are there no toilets in Ultima VII?

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There are toilets in Ultima VII indeed! But as the saying goes; he who dare face east or south while doing his busyness shall be swallowed up by the god of poo.


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If there are toilets in Ultima VII, why does the Avatar never have to go?

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The Avatar has a superhuman digestive tract.

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Well then, why do his companions never have to go?

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They don't get anything to eat. In case you ever wondered, that's why theres all these "I'm hungry" messages all over your screen.

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But won't they die if I never feed them?

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Possibly. But I warn you, Ultima VII toilets are really, really hard to find, worse than that, they are almost impossible to actually use, but if you don't mind the Avatar changing diapers for his companions...

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Why is the Guardian small enough to walk through the black gate in Ultima VII, then big enough to hold the Avatar in his hand in Ultima VIII, and suddenly cut down to near-Avatar size again in Ultima IX?

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I need help with this one.

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Why does fishing work in Serpent Isle but not on any river, sea or lake in Britannia?

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Because none of us ever bothered with the "bill to prohibit polluting Lock Lake quest"

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Why does Gwenno go to explore another world while Iolo hangs out with the Avatar?

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Because Iolo loves long-range relationships.

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Why do I always find Shamino sitting lonely at the Blue Boar, sipping a mug of ale?

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Give the man a break. He has to get over having lost an entire kingdom, his ex-girlfriend is still haunting him and he has a relationship with a mouse.

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Which is the coolest NPC in Ultima VII?

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Gwenno.

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Ultima NPCs are weird people. They are always at work on time if you don't look, but as soon as you follow them and watch their every move, they get lazy and don't seem to get anywhere on time.

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Why does slime reproduce?

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It get's sexually agitated when it meets the Avatar.

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Which Ultima VII character is also known as "The Burger King"?

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Batlin

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Why can NPCs have negative health points?

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Because they enjoy a "signed" vitality.

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Why do objects like wines or plants have distinct names on Serpent Isle while they are simply named "wine" and "plant" on Britannia?

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The first side effect of the head-enlargement program on Serpent Isle was the unpredicted increase of the subjects imagination.

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Keep your friends close, but your enemies even closer.

-There's nothing more dangerous than a triple-crossbow armed Iolo providing long range supportive fire.

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At what place do Gwani unite to find their destiny?

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At the furriers shop

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If you had to choose an Ultima VII shape or NPC that will send you to your doom, which one would you select?

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fire field - it is better to burn out, than to fade away.

Hook - if I'm gonna die, at least I'll die with style.

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I'm not sure if this is all funny, but I sorta felt like writing again... incredible what stuff I come up with at 7 AM after 24 h without sleep.

[Dominus]

[Trevor_Clim (damn Log in)]

i like it!
not everything is sooo funny, but the majority got me smiling

[Crowley]

I once noticed that the Ferryman isn't actually an NPC. He has no NPC number and the pickpocket-cheat has no effect on him. Now I wonder if it the same with the Time Lord.

[Tristan de Inés]

How many bricks does it take to build an Ultima 7 castle?

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One. Namely the brick desperately searching for the "brick" shape in ExultStudio.

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What is the big, red, ugly thing in the magical tetrahedon?

a) The result of Rudyom casting Cure on an Emp

b) The Guardian's little brother

c) A wingless gargoyle gone Hulk

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Is the biggest control freak on Britannia

a) Lord British - Earthling intruder takes over foreign world

b) Arcadion - love or obsession, what binds him to the Avatar?

c) Batlin - the new age guru and high priest of the hypocrite society

d) Lord Horance - he wants your soul. Dead or alive

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Why are all containers suddenly stacking their items on top of themselves?

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Someone set their shedule to "puke".

[Dino (can't log in)]

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"If there are toilets in Ultima VII, why does the Avatar never have to go?"
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Who said the Avatar never needs to use a toilet?

[XxVenomxX]

...

[SB-X]

*looks at the Avatar*
Turn it off!
Thou art wasting it!

[Tristan de Inés]

That is so gross..
;D