Exult Forum

here in this thread you should post funny experiences with ultima7, your adventures in britannia, cool bugs, some art, stories about ultima 7, and so on...

i start with some stuff of a friend of me:
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Dirty Diapers will immobilize any enemy. I always kept a bunch of them around for emergencies.

Spark is useful because fountains and pools often have psychoactive effects, and we need a guinea-pig to find out what kind of trips we're going to have before the Avatar does any.

Take the examination, and try to make yourself appear as evil as possible. Batlin will now give you the package.
Give Batlin some Sweeties and run away.

She says that Batlin will be very, very angry when she tells him of this.
We can't allow that, so we kill her.

Sail back to Britain and talk to Nystul.
Buy his entire back-catalogue of spells.

Now, distribute the triple-crossbows among your 5 followers.
This is is an appallingly dangerous move because they can't shoot for little green apples.

I figured that the problem was that Iolo hadn't taken enough drugs to push him into the 'golden section' so I went back to Minoc to try and find more drugs to continue my experiments.
I pumped Iolo full of drugs again, (7 doses) and gave 5 to Jaana to see what effect this dose would have on her.By now I was out of drugs. Which sucked.

I found Shamino, who was in bed with a woman dressed as a mouse, presumably engaged in some kind of bizarre sex game.

As you can see, Jaana has been totally momafied, with -17 health points, but this terrible wound pales next to Iolo, who at -122 health points, should not just be dead, but a smoking hole in the ground. Now it isn't quite as bad as it seems because although Iolo is burned out and totally immobile, he can still be used as a container.. a barrel that we can drop things into by remote control.


Of course, whenever I'm in Minoc, I'll have Owen commit suicide a few
times:

Avatar: "Hey Owen, what's that about the ship that sunk? The one you
designed? Heard it from the hairy freak down south."

Owen: "I don't deserve to live!" "Argh!"

A: "In Mani Corp!"

O: "I live!"

A: "Ah, Owen, amuse us. We were talking about that ship...?"

O: "I don't deserve to live!" "Argh!"

A: "Heh. In Mani Corp!"

And so on and so on. I usually prepare a little podium for Owen and
get chairs for the entire party, so they can watch the show more
comfortably. Sometimes we perform the show in the Minoc bar. We get
great reviews, really.

phew, I think this has been posted at least twice now.Gets a bit boring now
What I never got was:
>She says that Batlin will be very, very angry when she tells him of this.
We can't allow that, so we kill her. <
Who the... is she?

Yeah, I posted the link to Fistful of Ultima 7 in another thread a little while ago, when you posted it *again*
(http://lightning.prohosting.com/~jpmorris/ultima7.htm)


I think the 'she' being refered to is Elynor. The Fellowship head in Minoc.

hmm yes you both are right, ive forgotten that i ve posted it here yet!
sorry!

>She says that Batlin will be very, very angry when she tells him of this.
We can't allow that, so we kill her. <
after opening the seal of the little chest, you should bring to the fellowship woman leader in MINOC. the woman fellowship leader tell the avatar she would tell his behaviour Batlin, and so the Avatar kill her because he cant allow this

Well, here's the latter half of a very short scene in a U5 fic I'm working on. YOu can tell there's still a lot to be done in it.


"Are gremlins edible..?" Geoffrey asked, breaking his silence. Shamino immediately opened his eyes then sat up in his bedroll, giving Geoffrey a somewhat dumbfounded look. "I have --no-- idea, nor do I care to find out," Shamino responded. He laid back down. Geoffrey looked at the fire for a moment and asked "So thou hast no idea whether or not it is poisonous?" Shamino groaned as he covered his face with his hands. "Jaana?" he asked imploringly as he looked up at her. Jaana gave a very faint smile of amusement and replied "I'm sorry Geoffrey, but I know very little of gremlins or their uses." "I thought thine professions were masters of wilderness lore... I find it odd thou knowest so little of these irksome creatures." Geoffrey commented. Shamino sat up again. "Why would we? I think thou art the first person ever who hath asked that, so 'tis doubtful there is anyone who doth know," Shamino responded in a slightly irrite tone. There was silence for a moment, aside from the sound of a faint winter wind high in the trees. "Well," Geoffrey said as he rose to his feet, "There's only one way to find out." He took a piece of kindling from the bonfire to use as a torch, and walked away from the group. Shamino laid back down again. "Hey, where art thou going?!" Katrina asked in a concerned voice. "I'll be back in a minute," Geoffrey responed in a somewhat stoic tone. He began to scavenge around for the gremlin corpses. He came across the splattered puddle of the second gremlin he had smashed with his mace, mixed with chunks of flesh and bone. He nudged at the pulp with his boot, then moved on to find the others. He then found the one Shamino had more or less split in half. Again, he moved on until he found one that was more or less in one piece. He looked around in both directions then rushed to the base of a large evergreen tree where there were several cones, fallen twigs, and branches which had not been buried completely by the snow. He set his torch down in an upright position in the snow then began to scavenge around the area under the tree's canopy for a suitable stick, digging the thin layer of powdery snow off of some that were half buried. After finding a suitable branch, he drew his dagger and sharpened one of the ends to a tapering point, then returned his dagger to its sheath and picked his torch back up. He went back to the satisfactory gremlin corpse and rammed the stick through it, then ran back to the camp. He sat back down on his boulder as the two girls both gave him strange looks. "Geoffrey, what art thou doing..?" Jaana asked in a slightly amused tone. Shamino raised his head to look at Geoffrey from his unilateral posture, looking over his own shoulder to see what was going on. "What does it look like?" Geoffrey asked as he lowered the gremlin over the crackling bonfire. Shamino sat back up with a rather dumbfounded look on his face. "Oh, no, please tell me thou art not actually going to..." Shamino mumbled. Jaana's eyes widened. "Geoffrey, hast thou gone mad?!" Jaana asked angrily as she slammed her hands on the ground between her knees, interrupting Shamino. "Nay, just hungry," Geoffrey replied without so much as taking his eyes off of his "food". Little did any of them notice was that the owl had just flown down and perched on a nearby evergreen several feet behind Jaana and was watching the group like a hawk. It tilted its head to the left then to the right as it watched them. "Well, it doth certainly smell... uh..." Katrina said, at a loss for words at describing the burning gremlin flesh. "Like nothing I have dared actually EAT, before..." Shamino added to her comment.

(note that there's supposed to be a meanwhile and a short scene involving the Avatar's group here, but I haven't done a whole lot on them yet)

Pale, yellowish-lime-green grease was now flowing evenly down the gremlin meat and accumulating at a point on the underside of its body, dripping periodicly into the roaring fire. Shamino made a face of slight disgust. "Eew" he mumbled. He looked up at Geoffrey whose face was nearly devoid of emotion, making it nearly impossible to tell what was going through his mind, perhaps intentionally. "Even I am not THAT hungry..!" Shamino said in a slightly raised voice of disbelief. "I canst not believe thou art actually going to eat that!" Katrina cried. Geoffrey withdrew the carcass from the fire to inspect it, holding the stick at a verticle angle by the base. "Hmm... well, it doth look done," he said. His comrades all stared at him with expressions of slight dread as he gazed at his roast gremlin on a stick, glistening with a thin layer of greenish-yellow fat and scorched around the edges. Geoffrey took a deep breath, then then reluctantly bit into the shoulder, tearing away some of the adjacent skin and muscle. Shamino's and Katrina's faces were full of both dread and disgust, as was Jaana's, though to a lesser extent. She looked more concerned than anything else. At first, Geoffrey glanced around as though trying to focus on the taste, however, it was but a few seconds before he began to display displeasure, and put some effort into swallowing the portion. To the group's surprise, he took a second bite, this time from the back. As he did so, Jaana's eyes widened and Shamino raised an eyebrow. As Geoffrey chewed on the bite he took, he cringed with disgust and chewed it very slowly. He thrusted the stick holding the impaled gremlin into the ground. After being just barely able to swallow the second portion, he fell off the large rock to his knees and grabbed his stomach, doubling over and groaning in pain. Jaana's eyes widened and she sat up. The owl stretched out its neck and leaned forward slightly as though trying to get a better look. "Geoffrey? Geoffrey, art thou alright?!" Jaana asked in a concerned voice. Geoffrey gave no response to Jaana's question. Shamino sat up as well while Katrina simply stared in shock with her mouth open. Jaana grabbed her backpack by one of the straps and rose to her feet, grabbing Shamino's attention. However, Jaana's backpack was already open, and when she lifted it by the strap, some of her possessions fell out onto the ground and adjacent bedroll. She stooped down and hastily picked everything back up and stuck it back in her backpack as Shamino crawled over to help her. By the time he did, however, Jaana had already put everyhting back, and began to make her way over to Geoffrey. As she did, he vomited all over the ground. Shamino watched for a moment as Geoffrey began to breathe heavily. "Art thou alright?" Shamino asked as Jaana knelt down beside Geoffrey. After a moment, Geoffrey wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and replied in a somewhat sick voice, "Yeah, I'm alright.." Jaana tilted her head to try and get a good look at Geoffrey's face which was partially shrouded in the shadows created by the night and the flickering light from the fire. "Art thou sure, milord?" Jaana asked. Geoffrey nodded. Jaana took his right arm to help him to his feet, but Geoffrey pulled away and said "No need, I canst get up on my own." After a moment, he slowly got back up on his feet.

That's all I have on the scene, for now. Working on the gremlin battle they have before this part, but it's not finished, yet.

Hm... not bad. Ever try writing an original book?

If you do, though, remember that in proper style, only one person can speak in a given paragraph. Before a second person speaks, you need to start a new paragraph.

POST MORE OF THIS!!!

What else does Geoffrey try to eat? lol.

Um....

Well, the group eats some pine nuts (turns out to be scotch pine, though, LOL.)

so...

scotch pine seeds
the tiny bugs in some of the seeds
pine sap

that's about for now, although Shamino later eats some wax fruit. I don't have much more written, right now. (need to get off my lazy ass!)

Here's some of the other funny scenes that occur in my fic (but have not been written down yet)

*Geoffrey reaches into Katrina's bedroll to procure her sling to kill that damned owl that keeps bugging him, but unfortunately, she wasn't fully asleep this time and slaps him hard in the face, then accuses him of fondling her breasts.

*While camping in Jhelom, Dupre whips out his corkscrew to open a bottle of ale, but accidently drops it in Julia's cleavage (she's asleep) Now he must choose between going to sleep stone sober or risk facing Julia's wrath.

*Because Geoffrey is wearing a set of spiked armour and a black cape, people in Moonglow are running away from him. One grovels at his feet begging him for forgiveness, mistaking him for the tax collector (?!)

Oblivios,
this is great!

Funny comments on Lady Tory not remembering who is the father of her child would be also great.
I also had some funny ideas on U7SI - though forgotten them. On Moonshade mages and such.

Geoffrey sure seems like a goof-off to me.

Sorry - what is a goof-off?

(I'm not a native English speaker).

To goof:

(verb whose derivative gave the Disney name Goofy)

To fool around, to be silly, to act like a sot.

Artaxerxes